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Top Tips for Parents

Dealing with Adolescent Behavior Problems

There are many tips and tricks for how parents can deal with adolescent behavior problems. The key to success is understanding why your child behaves this way and addressing the root cause of their behavior.

General Principles of Parenting When Dealing with Adolescent Behavior Problems

Positive Parenting

Positive parenting emphasizes the importance of building a strong relationship with your child. It can help parents develop strong emotional bonds with their children through sensitive, responsible, and consistent parenting. This connection between children and their caregivers is called “secure attachment.”
There are many theories about positive parenting backed by science. According to studies, 6 out of 10 children in the US develop secure attachments to their caregivers. Children who do not develop secure attachments may avoid their caregivers when they are upset or resist them. In addition, the lack of such bonds can make kids more susceptible to serious behavior problems. 1
Another seven-year longitudinal study analyzed the influence of supportive parenting among parents of pre-kindergartners and contrasted their approach with a less supportive, more harsh parenting style. The study found that positive parenting was associated with positive school adjustment and fewer problems with behavior. 2

Natural and Logical Consequences

Parenting with Natural and Logical Consequences is a parenting philosophy that helps caregivers create a safe and supportive environment for children. By using this style of parenting, parents teach their children how to think logically about consequences rather than resorting to punishment which could lead to teen behavior problems in the future.
Natural consequences are the result of a child’s actions. The child must know they are responsible for their own choices and the natural consequences that could follow. Here’s an example: Mom has repeatedly suggested that Jake take his rain jacket to school because there was a chance of rain. Jake’s choice was not to bring a rain jacket to school. The natural consequence is that mom did not force Jake to take his jacket, and he got wet when it rained.

On the other hand, logical consequences are a way to teach children appropriate behavior. Logical consequences help children learn from their mistakes by teaching them through natural and logical events. For example, in Jane’s family, there is a rule that everyone has to eat their vegetables to have dessert. Jane chose not to eat her vegetables, which was her choice. The logical consequence is that Jane did not eat her dessert because of her decision. 3

On the other hand, logical consequences are a way to teach children appropriate behavior. Logical consequences help children learn from their mistakes by teaching them through natural and logical events. For example, in Jane’s family, there is a rule that everyone has to eat their vegetables to have dessert. Jane chose not to eat her vegetables, which was her choice. The logical consequence is that Jane did not eat her dessert because of her decision. 3

Knowing the Difference Between Discipline and Punishment

People often use the terms “discipline” and “punishment” interchangeably. However, there is a huge difference between the two terms. Punishment is ineffective because it does not offer children an opportunity for learning or constructive feedback. On the other hand, discipline teaches kids what they did wrong and helps them understand why their behavior was unacceptable.
For example, punishment tries to change kids’ future behavior by making them “pay for their mistakes.” Discipline aims to change future behavior by helping kids learn from their mistakes.
Let’s say that Michael rode his bike in the middle of the road even though he was told not to. The punishment for his behavior is to do his brother’s chores for a week in addition to his own. But if you use positive discipline, you point out that it was his choice not to follow the rules, therefore he is not allowed to ride his bike for the rest of the day.

Tips for Handling the Four Main Types of Adolescent Behavior Problems

ADHD

Defining ADHD Symptoms in Adolescents
What is ADHD?

ADHD is one of the most common childhood behavioral disorders. Children with inattentive ADHD are constantly unable to focus or sustain their concentration for long periods. The symptoms can be milder or more severe, depending on the individual. It is estimated that 6.1 million children have been diagnosed with ADHD (9.4%). 4

Signs and Symptoms
The most common symptoms of ADHD include impulsivity, inattention, and hyperactivity. Some of the signs are talking excessively or constantly moving about when one should be sitting still for an extended period. Other indications may be a child having trouble with school because they cannot stay focused on assignments or having trouble with social interactions because they cannot stay on topic.
Treatment
The best treatment for ADHD is a combination of medication and behavior management strategies. The drugs most commonly prescribed for ADHD are stimulants such as Adderall or Ritalin and non-stimulant medications like Strattera or Intuniv. There can be side effects with the use of these medicines, so they should only be prescribed by a medical professional.
Top Tips for Children with ADHD
  • Give them extra time to finish tasks and help them stay focused.
  • Ensure they have well-defined instructions on how to complete the task, so there are no misunderstandings about what is expected of them in a given situation.
  • Try new strategies for dealing with difficult situations, such as taking breaks or changing their environment.
  • Communicate with them about their feelings and why they feel a certain way.
  • Encourage a sense of independence by allowing them to make decisions for themselves instead of following orders.
  • Set clear expectations at home so there are no misunderstandings between parent and child. A common concern is chores. One way to address this concern is by breaking up tasks into smaller, more manageable parts and setting a timer for each task.
  • Help them develop their skills through activities such as puzzles, arts & crafts, or reading books together so they can feel accomplished and proud of themselves at the end.
  • Help them develop their skills through activities such as puzzles, arts & crafts, or reading books together so they can feel accomplished and proud of themselves at the end.
  • Be honest and consistent in enforcing their rules. Follow through on your consequences if they do not follow them.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

What is ODD?
ODD is a disorder that typically starts during childhood and lasts into early adulthood. Children with ODD may often want to get their way, are spiteful or argumentative when they do not and have temper tantrums. They are also very critical of others.
Signs and Symptoms
The difference between normal oppositional behavior and ODD is how severe it is and how long it has been going on. For instance, a child suffering from ODD will show severe behavioral issues for at least six months.
Some of the most common signs and symptoms include:
  • Temper tantrums
  • Easily annoyed
  • Refusing to follow rules
  • Annoying people on purpose
  • Blaming others for their mistakes
  • Being vindictive
  • Arguing with adults
  • Anger and resentment
Treatment
Treatment for ODD typically includes:
  • Individual psychotherapy so the child develops effective anger management
  • Parent management training to teach parents how to manage their child's behavior
  • Social skills training to improve the child's social skills and frustration tolerance with peers
  • Medication therapy with antipsychotic medications like Abilify (aripiprazole) and Risperdal (risperidone)
  • Stimulant medication may also be used if the child suffers from excessive impulsivity
Top Tips for Children with ODD
  • Try to avoid making a child feel like they are being punished, and try not to make them think you dislike or resent them.
  • Minimize any kind of criticism to improve their self-esteem.
  • Try to encourage them in their positive behaviors.
  • Do not ignore negative behavior, but also do not overreact or punish excessively.
  • Give your children a sense of control where they can choose the activities they want to do and what foods they will eat. This method can be done by using rewards for desired behaviors.
  • Avoid forcing children into a specific mold. Instead, try to focus on their strengths and weaknesses and find out what they enjoy doing.
  • Be mindful of the child's needs, wants, feelings, abilities, concerns, etc., but also be aware that other considerations may not be compatible with the child's, such as your parenting style or beliefs.
  • Let them know that you care and want to help. Letting them know when something is wrong without blaming them or accusing them will allow for a more open discussion.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

What is ASD?
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a developmental disability that affects language and communication, social skills, and behavior. Children with ASD may behave, communicate, interact, and learn differently than other children. The term “spectrum” refers to the wide range of symptoms and severity.
Signs and Symptoms
The signs and symptoms of a child with ASD depend on the age and ability to communicate. Some people show symptoms as early as 18 months, while others might not have any until they start school or interact more in a group setting.
Here are the most common signs and symptoms:
  • Difficulty playing with toys.
  • Lack of eye contact and other forms of communication such as speaking or gesturing in a meaningful way.
  • Extreme distress at changes to routine, especially transitions between activities; the child may not know what is expected next and becomes very anxious.
  • Difficulty paying attention during conversations or tasks; children with autism may not focus on a conversation. Instead, they may turn their attention to other things going on around them.
  • Repeating words or phrases out of context.
  • Difficulty engaging in imaginative play and activities involving pretending with objects. Children with ASD might repeat the same action repeatedly, show interest in only one type of toy, or play with toys using the same pattern of movement.
  • Difficulty understanding and following social rules. These children may not be able to understand other points of view and may find it difficult to imagine what others think, want, or feel.
Treatment
There are many treatment options for children with ASD. A doctor may prescribe medication to treat some of the symptoms. People with ASD may be referred to doctors who specialize in behavior management strategies. There is no one perfect treatment; instead, different treatments work better than others depending on the person and the symptoms.
Top Tips for Children with ASD
  • Reward them for their good behavior. Children with ASD respond well to positive reinforcement. For example, let them know what you liked about their behavior and reward them with either extra playtime or a small prize like a sticker.
  • Stick to a schedule. Children with ASD do best when they are following a structured schedule or routine.
  • Learn about how ASD affects your child and what they need to feel safe and comfortable in social situations.
  • Find out everything you can about treatments for autism spectrum disorders from a qualified professional (e.g., doctor or therapist).
  • Get your child involved in activities and groups that they enjoy, like music lessons or sports.
  • Meet other parents and their children who have ASD at support group meetings.
  • Take your child with you when you run everyday errands. Going to the grocery store or the post office may help them get used to the world around them.

Conduct Disorders

Explaining Conduct Disorder
What are Conduct Disorders?
Conduct disorders are a behavioral problem that involves aggression and law-breaking tendencies. Children with conduct disorder may hit, bite, or kick people, threaten them in words or gestures, destroy property, and bully other kids or younger siblings, among other things. Conduct disorders are diagnosed only when a child’s behavior is extreme enough to cause emotional problems for others. A diagnosis cannot be made until children are at least four years old.
Researchers believe that children with conduct disorders are more likely to have experienced early exposure to violence in their own homes, as well as other adverse childhood experiences such as neglect and abuse.
Signs and Symptoms
To diagnose conduct disorders, four telltale symptoms must be present:
  • Violating the rights of others or societal norms
  • Deliberately hurting other people or animals
  • Destroying property for no purposeful reason
  • Relying on aggression to resolve conflicts
The child’s behavior must be noticeably different from peers, and the symptoms cannot occur exclusively during a manic episode of bipolar disorder or major depressive episodes of depression. The diagnosis is made by asking about childhood history as well as interviewing parents, teachers, and other caregivers for information about current behaviors and symptoms.
Treatment
Treatment for conduct disorders in teens can include behavior management strategies, parent management training to teach parents how to manage their child’s behavior, help from social service professionals, medication, or other treatment.
Top Tips for Children with Conduct Disorders
  • Be supportive. Conduct disorder is not a child's fault or something they can grow out of, but it means that the world will be difficult for them. If you are looking to help support your loved one in any way possible, do not let these difficulties discourage you.
  • Be patient, but with limits. The more your loved one acts out in a difficult, harmful, or damaging way to themselves and others, the more patience you will need to have on hand to deal with their behavior appropriately.
  • Stay calm when things are most difficult for everyone involved; yelling can make an already intense situation even more difficult for everyone.
  • Seek professional help. If the disruptive behaviors are causing pain or distress in your child's life, seek out additional advice from professionals who know how conduct disorders develop and can offer guidance on appropriate treatments.

Ways to Reduce Future Conflict

Involve Children in Boundary Setting Discussions

Setting boundaries and expectations for children help them develop crucial life skills, such as patience, problem-solving, responsibility, and self-discipline.
Children need to have their input in setting boundaries. Otherwise, they may feel that their opinions are not being listened to. Parents can explain why boundaries are necessary, the consequences for not following them, and what will happen if they follow them. Setting boundaries helps children understand how to make their own decisions.
If an agreed-upon boundary is violated, a parent needs to be prepared with consequences directly related to the violation.

Teaching Problem Solving Strategies

One of the most commonly used behavior management strategies is teaching your child problem-solving skills. Problem-solving skills are important because they help children learn how to cope with everyday issues, from homework problems to social situations.

According to a study published in Behaviour Research and Therapy, children who do not possess problem-solving skills are more prone to developing depression and suicide ideation. Additionally, the study found that teaching problem-solving skills to children can improve mental health. 5

Parents can teach problem-solving skills by not rushing to solve a child’s problems for them. The better way is to offer guidance when a child needs assistance while encouraging them to solve the problem on their own. If the child is unable to solve the problem, the parent can help think of some possible solutions.

Encouraging Self-Discipline

Teaching your child self-discipline is one of the best behavior management strategies. It involves teaching them how to control themselves. Children with self-discipline are generally more successful in school and life as they are equipped with the right skills to face challenges, manage stress, and make healthy choices. They possess good anger management skills and can control impulsive behavior.
For example, self-discipline may involve turning off the video game to finish homework or dressing up for school right after breakfast without needing a reminder.

Communicating Well

Communication is a skill that can be taught and learned. Children need to learn how to communicate their needs and feelings with others to not grow into sad or angry teenagers, which may lead them into acting out in unintended, unproductive ways. Communication skills are also helpful when it comes time for your child to navigate adulthood.

Other Tips to Reduce Conflict Between Parents and Children

The Importance of Self-Care When Parenting Adolescent Behavior Problems

Why Self-Care is Important

Caring for children with intense needs can take a toll on parents’ emotional and physical health. Parenting is challenging, even in the best of circumstances. Parenting adolescent behavior problems is a full-time job and an overwhelming one.
Addressing the emotional and physical risks of child care is critical, both for the child’s and parents’ sake. If parents of children with severe behavioral issues are not paying attention to their emotional and physical health, they risk being affected by caregiver burnout which can negatively impact the entire family in the long term.

Issues from Lack of Self-Care

Studies have shown that parents of children with developmental, psychiatric, or learning disorders are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, insomnia, fatigue, and marital problems. 6

According to a British study, parents of children with ADHD and autism have higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol and CRP, a biomarker that is related to conditions such as cancer, heart disease, and diabetes. 7

Tips for Parental Self-Care

  • Get enough sleep every night.
  • Stay hydrated.
  • Get regular exercise.
  • Connect with other parents of children who have intense needs as they understand what you are going through and can provide support.
  • Join an online forum to talk about your struggles without fear of judgment.
  • Engage in self-soothing activities such as journaling or talking with friends.
  • Seek professional help when needed.
Another great tip is respite care. Respite care is a form of service that allows caregivers to take time away from caregiving to recharge and stay healthy. It may be short-term or long-term. Respite can provide relief, support, stability, continuity, companionship, and other benefits which help families caring for children with intense needs live fuller lives. A variety of organizations provide respite services, such as home health agencies or hospitals.

Tops Tips for Parents During a Pandemic

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) During a Pandemic

Elevated COVID-19 Risk for Untreated ADHD/ADD

It has been found that attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and attention deficit disorder (ADHD/ADD) increases a person’s risk of contracting COVID-19. The most common ADHD/ADD symptoms, such as failure to give close attention to detail, impulsivity, forgetfulness, and risk-taking, might explain the increased probability of exposure to the coronavirus. The COVID-19 infection rate is around 52% higher among people with unmedicated ADHD compared to individuals without ADHD. 8

The Rise of ADHD Coaching During the Pandemic
COVID-19 and the physical distancing measure prove to be more challenging for individuals with ADHD and their parents. People with ADHD are especially vulnerable to the distress caused by the pandemic and physical distancing measures, and they might display increased behavioral problems.
Consequently, parents have been recommended to turn to ADHD coaching because it reduces oppositional defiant and disruptive behavior. ADHD coaches help adolescents who need support managing the demands placed upon them at school as well as other settings. The rise of ADHD coaching during the pandemic may be related to the remote nature of coaching, making it more practical for parents and adolescents to reach out for help.

ASD During a Pandemic

How to Help Your Child Deal With the Loss of Routines
Routines are crucial for children with intense needs. These children may have difficulties regulating themselves and maintaining their focus when there are many distractions. Routines can minimize the unexpected and reduce the risk of frustrating the child.
Make a list of daily responsibilities with your child. Break down each responsibility into smaller steps and decide how much time they can spend on each task. Consider scheduling breaks and other activities your child might want to do. Make sure you schedule activities for the same time every day, so it is easier for them to remember.
Dealing with Increased Self-Stimulations
Children with intense needs are not always able to cope with the extreme and unexpected demands of the pandemic. As a result, they may resort to self-stimulations to manage stress.
Here are some things parents can do to deal with their child’s self-stimulation:
  • Stick to a daily routine for tasks.
  • Reduce your child's stress and provide a calming environment.
  • Let your child stim as long as they are self-regulating and not hurting themselves.
  • Ensure your child gets physical activity, particularly if they are energetic.
  • Avoid punishing their behavior. Instead, try addressing the reasons behind it.
  • Teach your child an alternative behavior to meet the same needs. For example, hand flapping can be replaced with squeezing a stress ball.
  • Get help from a behavior specialist to evaluate your child and determine the reasons for self-stimulation.

Conduct Disorders During a Pandemic

Research shows that children who come from harsh parenting homes are more likely to develop conduct disorders. Children with severe behavioral issues tend to be aggressive, destructive, and inattentive. Other common symptoms include fighting at school, stealing, lying, or using drugs. When parents use physical punishment to punish such behaviors (rather than teaching the child right from wrong), they contribute to these issues.

The prevalence of emotional conduct disorder and hyperactivity increases significantly among children and adolescents during a lockdown period. Conduct disorder and hyperactivity are more prevalent among boys both before and within lockdown9.

Physical punishment has been proven ineffective at teaching children how to behave appropriately, and it can lead them down the path of juvenile delinquency instead of towards healthy adulthood. There is a growing consensus that harsh parenting causes children with conduct disorders to have lower levels of self-esteem and higher rates of depression. 10

Lack of Social Support is Making Conduct Disorders Worse

The presence of an authoritative figure in a child’s life can have negative consequences if they are harsh and punitive. This may be because, without good social support, children who grow up with such parents often feel isolated from their peers and society as a whole. Furthermore, not being accepted by peers is a risk factor for the development of conduct disorder.
References:
  1. https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2017/09/positive-parenting
  2. https://positivepsychology.com/positive-parenting/
  3. https://education.okstate.edu/outreach/fcs/coparenting/site-files/coparenting_parenting_natural_logical_consequences.pdf
  4. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/data.html
  5. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0005796709002149?via%3Dihub
  6. https://childmind.org/article/fighting-caregiver-burnout-special-needs-kids/
  7. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21889267/
  8. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1087054720943271
  9. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7836411/
  10. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3390918/

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